Monthly Archives: August 2016

Pets and Parenting: Baby vomit and the cone of shame.

Dog lovers out there are all out looking for sound parenting advice, so I’m here to help.

I’ll start by scolding the people out there who let their dog run around the streets off leash, because one of those dogs ran up behind my dog Giles the other day and latched onto his back leg.  I have a beagle and this attack dog was about the size of  a Jack Russell terrier.  This is to say, even if your dog is not big, he can do damage.  Because three days later the holes he made were looking angry, despite careful cleaning, and Giles’s leg had swollen up to nearly twice its size.  So he ended up at the vet and his head ended up encased in a cone of shame.  Poor Giles, and screw you people who let their dog run around off leash on my street.

This is where the angry bit ends and the parenting bit begins.

Some days after the cone of shame was donned, baby Logan discovConeOfShameered the joys of vomiting.  The short sprint from bedroom to bathroom thoroughly covered every surface with delicious, delicious vomit.  (That surface coverage included every inch, from hair to feet, of Mommy.)  Giles, being the helpful beagle he is, instantly rushed into clean up duty.  It isn’t easy licking vomit up from the floor while wearing a cone of shame, but he would not shirk, and if the cone of shame happened to scoop up baby vomit along all its edges as he went, that would not deter him.  Giles is no slacker!  And when relieved of duty by Daddy, he made sure to scamper quickly down the stairs and into the living room with his vomit covered lampshade head, where he might recline on the couch for a time and bask in his successful clean up job.

I think we can end it there.  I mean, we parents don’t really want advice anyway.  We mostly just want to complain and laugh secretly at other parents’ disasters.


Bulldogs have been the victim of severely poor treatment at the hands of breeders.   While many breeds of dogs are suffering problems of inbreeding, the bulldog has seen some of the worst consequences of poor breeding practices through history.  Inbreeding has led to many health problems–they are severe, shorten the life of the dog, and are so costly that many end up in shelters and euthanized.  This is in no way humane.

This is not to say that all breeders are bad.  There are breeders out there making huge efforts to help the breed.  But there are also a lot of bad breeders out there.  Those breeders need to be educated, and if they still refuse to acknowledge the problem and take steps to fix it, they should not be allowed to continue breeding bulldogs.  There must be consequences.

This is also not to say that bad breeding practices are only happening to bulldogs.  The problem is just particularly egregious in this breed.  However, safeguards that are put in place to monitor, educate, and discipline breeders can easily be extended to address these same problems when they afflict other breeds.

If you were able to read these three paragraphs without screaming in outrage #AllDogsMatter or #BreedersMatter . . . if you were able to see why that would actually be a silly response, then you should also be able to understand the #BlackLivesMatter movement without having to decry in response that #AllLivesMatter or #BlueLivesMatter.